


Thorny Business

by playout, PrinnPrick



Series: Love (and) Letters [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, Groomzilla, HP: EWE, M/M, Slash, Snark, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4524690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playout/pseuds/playout, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinnPrick/pseuds/PrinnPrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With their wedding just around the corner and Draco running their vendors off with his ill temper and unreasonable demands, Harry sends his fiancé to warmer climes to prevent him from continuing to meddle. </p><p>Unfortunately, the resourceful Slytherin still has access to owls...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorny Business

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrankyOh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankyOh/gifts).



> This is the last installment of the Sward of Gryffindor series, but can easily be read as a stand-alone fic. 
> 
> The prompt was FrankyOh's and the fic is gifted with love. <3

22 March 2005

Jean Paul,

I received your sketches.

To say I was not pleased would be a colossal understatement.

I don't know where you studied fashion but having seen that pathetic excuse of a design, I am extremely skeptical it was the finest schools of Paris and Milan, as you have claimed.

Half sleeves for an evening wedding? _Tassels_?! Those robes are hideous enough to make me think you have a personal vendetta against me or my family. And quite possibly the world at large.

You are an insult to the profession and fabric everywhere.

You're fired.

Sincerely,  
Draco Malfoy

 

******

 

24 March 2005

Dear Jean Paul,

I just learned that Draco fired you. I don't know what exactly he said in his letter, but I want to apologize for all of it. Planning this wedding has him totally stressed out and he's just not himself.

Rather, he _is_ , but an intensely cranky and rude version. So I'm sure he wasn't very nice. And I am sorry.

I saw the sketches. I'm not the best judge of fashion but I thought they were very fancy looking.

You're still fired, but that's probably better for everyone involved. I hope your next client isn't nearly so pissy.

All my best,  
Harry Potter

 

******

 

Draco, love, you're supposed to be on holiday from wedding planning, remember? That's why we're paying for you and your mother to be at that ridiculously expensive resort with no Floo and _I'm_ putting up with not having my fiancé with me for a whole bloody month. It was supposed to keep you from harassing the staff and obsessing over details because we agreed that it wasn't good for your health (or my sanity).

So knock it off!

I'm handling the robes. And everything else. Go lay by the pool or something. Have a drink with an umbrella in it. Just don't forget that ring on your finger when some fit young thing tries flirting with you. (I know they will and I know _you_ like toying with them--don't bother denying it.)

32 days.

They can't go by fast enough.

Harry

 

******

 

Dear Harry,

Where are my sweet nothings? My declarations of love? Your latest owl was little better than a scolding from a parent. You still desire me, don't you? Or has this detestable separation snuffed the flame of your longing? I shall have to drown my sorrows in piña coladas and pool boys.

At any rate, yes, we did agree to let you manage the final wedding preparations, but that was on the condition of you actually _managing_ them. I would have called the whole thing off if I'd been forced to wear that criminally unfashionable design of Jean Paul's.

The robes you previously suggested from Madam Malkin's will suffice--though I had hoped for something more grand--but this bouquet you've included with your missive better have been damaged during travel because there is a Hufflepuff's chance in the Slytherin dungeon I will allow something so pedestrian and underwhelming at _my_ wedding.

The Longbottoms will be hearing from me.

Yours, etc.,

Draco

 

******

 

25 March 2005

Longbottom,

I assume it was not "your Hannah" that constructed this bouquet but in fact yourself because, as compared to the piece I was given before, this is the most dull, uncreative display of flowers I have ever seen. A friendly suggestion: stick to gardening and let your more talented spouse handle the arrangements. And business management, while you're at it.

For the wedding, don't forget that I want iceberg roses and blue Narcissi inside an altar of silver belldrops, pearls, and white lilies. The center pieces are meant to represent our mothers, meaning they must be perfection and not some thrown together mock-up; absolutely without equal, every last detail in its place and with _purpose_. Anything less is an insult!

I won't even begin on the rest of the decorations. I have been reminded this is Harry's responsibility. However, I urge you to bear in mind who has long been your best and most loyal customer and the fact he's marrying one of _your_ best friends (who happens to be the Saviour of the Wizarding World.)

Don't fuck this up.

DM

 

******

 

26 March 2005

Draco,

You don't beat around the bush, do you? (See what I did there?)

Actually, it was Hannah's assistant, Becky, who put that bouquet together and while I hardly think it was dull and uncreative, few people have my wife's gift with flowers. I will be sure to let her know how much you appreciate her eye for design.

She can do all the center pieces as long as you understand that means Becky will be primarily responsible for the other, smaller arrangements. Hannah can only do so much and your vision is rather...exacting.

Not to worry. Your wedding is going to be beautiful. You've gotten so bogged down in details you can't see the forest for the trees. Take a breath and remember the most important thing is that you and Harry are going to be married in less than a month.

It'll be grand!

Cheers,  
Neville

 

******

 

30 March 2005

Harry,

I sent Blaise to sample the cake and he found it uninspiring.

We cannot serve uninspiring cake at our wedding, Harry.

Fix it or I'm taking the next portkey to London and relieving your of your duties.

Draco

 

******

 

2 April 2005

Parkinson,

I need your help. I know your exhibition won't finish its run until next weekend, but Draco is out of control. I will pay for you to holiday in Bora Bora with him and his mum if only you can rein him in. The photographer quit, Madam Malkin is furious with him, and he made the caterer cry when he told him the beef he'd prepared for a trial run was so undercooked a skilled Healer could still save it.

He's obsessed with this wedding and somehow got it into his head that every single thing must be perfect. He won't stop with the owls and he's not listening to reason. Before I sent him away, I joked that we should save ourselves the stress and just elope and I swear to Merlin he considered AKing me over it. (His brows had that pinch in the middle he gets when he's thinking about causing someone grave bodily harm.)

You have to go. Talk some sense into him. Threaten to hex him. I honestly don't care at this point. Whatever it takes to bring my mostly sane and tolerably prattish fiancé back.

Name your price.

Harry

 

******

 

4 April 2005

Potter,

I am not going to do you dirty work. You chose to marry him and this is the sort of thing you will have to deal with. More than once.

I can, however, offer some advice (and in return I am expecting a hefty sum, so don't bother reading the rest and using it without payment unless you want me to hex you into a lady):

Draco dear requires _finesse_.

Try french chocolates, his favourite Italian wine, your famous biscuits. When he's home, you only need tire him out once he's been softened up with gifts. Blaise and I used to take him flying or shopping when he worked himself into a strop (usually over you), but I am certain you can think of a few better ways to ensure he is properly exhausted.

Best of luck, Potty.

I still hate you.

Pansy

 

******

 

10 April 2005

Harry,

I just saw in the paper this morning that you were involved in a dangerous duel--in the middle of Diagon, no less! What are those slave drivers doing, making you work so close to the wedding?! Do I need to come home? Because I will. You know I will.

I won't abide my soon-to-be-husband being maimed on the eve of our wedding, or, Merlin forbid, having dark bags under his eyes when we are standing at the altar because he was up late doing paperwork or some such rot.

Salazar, I need sex.

Since that isn't an option at the moment, Mother is taking me shopping. If you have concerns over the status of our vaults when the Goblins send the next statement, you can take them up with your supervisor. This is entirely his fault. As well as _yours_.

You are fortunate I love you as much as I do.

Draco

 

******

 

Ron,

Please, in the name of all that is good and holy, DO NOT TELL DRACO THE OFFICIANT HAS QUIT. He doesn't need to know--it'll give him a coronary and might put the Vicar's life in very real danger.

Find us another. I don't care who and I don't care how, as long as the person can perform the ceremony and deal with the enormous fit Draco will pitch when he finds out.

...So basically an ordained Hit Wizard.

Sweet Merlin, pray for me.

Harry

 

******

 

Mate,

I was against this, if you recall. I knew having a big wedding with _Draco Malfoy_ would turn into a disaster, but you were certain you could keep him in line. Maybe take my advice a bit more seriously next time, yeah? Godrick knows there's no accounting for your taste.

At any rate, I already have two backup officiants on retainer since I figured I might as well be prepared. And I was able to calm Madam Malkin by sending all of my cousins to her for robes so she's rearranged her schedule for your fitting since Malfoy won't relent on the appointment day and time.

You owe me big,  
Ron

 

******

 

Harry,

DID YOU KNOW THE OFFICIANT QUIT?! /HE QUIT/!

I may cause explosions soon. I mean it.

Draco

 

******

 

Ron,

You are my Best Man for a reason.

Eternally in your debt,  
Harry

 

******

 

15 April 2005

Dear Blaise,

Fair warning: if my wedding plans persist in falling through, I may end up in Azkaban. Having Harry Potter for a fiancé will not save me from imprisonment should I murder the baker.

Help me to find calm or at least suggest a new caterer for the reception. I fired the last one. He deserved worse.

Sincerely,  
Draco

 

******

 

Draco,

I mean this with all the love in my heart, you have to stop. Seriously. Go for a walk. Take a bath. Have a glass of wine. Anything but owling our service providers.

I will be officially on leave as of Wednesday. You'll be home that afternoon. Then we can solve all of the problems together.

(And shag. Good Godrick, so much shagging.)

I have said it before and I will say it again, this wedding is just a formality. I know it's important to you and I don't want to diminish that, but I also don't want you to forget why we're doing it. We love each other, remember? And we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. And we want the world to know it. So that's why we're dealing with caterers and tailors and bakers and florists and jewellers and Merlin knows who else--to create a special day to honour our commitment to each other, _not_ host the social event of the century.

Just a couple more days and then we'll be together. Forever. You can do this!

Love,  
Harry

P.S.  
Have you considered that maybe if you stopped insulting our staff, they might be less likely to quit? Just a thought.

 

******

 

Mione,

I am horribly behind on my reports so will you please check with George to make sure the fireworks are ready, ask Molly if she can taste the stuff from the _new_ , new caterer to find out if it'll pass muster, and see that Ron's got the rings?

I'll have a hundred new things to ask you tomorrow morning, I'm sure. This wedding cannot come soon enough.

(Are they supposed to make you question the wisdom of marriage? It seems like a poor design...)

Harry

 

******

 

Dearest Harry,

I am choosing to ignore your postscript as you were obviously not in your right mind when you wrote it. The stress must be getting to you. My poor lamb.

As for the rest of your letter, reading it really did make me feel better. Is that strange? Not just the shagging part--though that does help--but being reminded of what I'd lost sight of. And that you, for all your rough edges, are rather romantic. And, most importantly, _mine_.

I trust that our wedding will be everything we desire and more.

I cannot wait.

Love,  
Draco

P.S.  
I have arranged for an ice carving of a stag to be delivered to the reception. I haven't come up with any dedication to my father, but I suppose since he has tried to sabotage this at least five times, he will just have to get over it.

 

******

 

23 April 2005

To Harry and Draco, on your wedding day--

You made it! Congratulations!

I am fairly certain the collective sigh of relief that we've arrived at this joyous day was large enough to alter global climate patterns. It's a sunny day in Scotland! My geraniums thank you.

I can honestly say I don't think I will ever have the privilege of knowing a more unlikely couple than you two. But unlikely graftings have produced some of the most beautiful and magical of fruits in the world of Herbology.

Together you are greater than the sum of your parts.

A word of advice from someone who has been down this road before you: remember, in marriage, as in life, you reap what you sow. Laugh often, forgive easily, and enjoy the gift of love that you have found in each other. There's nothing else like it on this great green earth.

Turn your faces toward the sun and bloom, my friends.

Love,  
Neville


End file.
